This alcohol free transformation has been happening for a while now. I’ve been halfway through the door, with one foot in and one foot out. I knew I needed to change and become this new person but I didn’t know how. It was such an odd, uneasy feeling in my soul. I had suspicion it was drinking. God had given me the signs over and over again. Everytime I drank I’d fill up with anxiety. I’d be mentally hung over for multiple days. I gained weight, I was having internal health issues. Problem was, I just couldn’t see them at the time.
In fact, I had been talking to Nate about taking a long break from alcohol for a few months now, I knew I needed to submit to God and change but it was like I was being this stubborn little child with my fingers in my ears, “Lalalala I can’t hear you.”
Then one morning I was laying in bed and the Holy Spirit spoke to me loud and clear. “Quit drinking or you’ll never reach your goals.”
As I laid in bed that morning I wrote down some notes on my phone. Yup, I had to bust out the pros and cons; which is dumb now that I think about it. The Holy Spirit spoke to me but yet here I am writing down pros and cons. We humans are funny aren’t we?
What happens when I drink
- I think about all my conversations and think man, I shouldn’t have said that
- Stomach aches – sharp pains days after
- No patience with my kids
- Edgy and snappy
- Brain fog
- Can’t sleep. I fall asleep quickly but I toss and turn all night long.
- It takes me couple days to get back on track mentally
- It kills my workout motivation
- Makes me depressed
- Most importantly, it mumbles God’s voice. When I drink I can’t hear God at all. It’s almost like he’s not there, like there is a barrier up. When I don’t drink, I hear him clear as day.
I mean, if that’s not a reason to just stop cold turkey, I’m not sure what is. That list is pretty darn long wouldn’t you say? Wanna see my list of pros for drinking …
If I stop drinking, what I’ll miss …
- The release of stress – even though it’s actually causing me more stress within my body
- It’s fun sometimes, laughing – I still can laugh and have fun, this is crazy
- Delicious – I can still have delicious NA drinks or mocktails
It’s almost like my brain needs to get caught up to my body.
It takes me a few days to get back on track. I’m not going to be able to drink on saturday and be mentally ready to homeschool on Monday. If I want to have patience with my kids and make this year fun for school, I need to be on my A game.
What alcohol has done to me over the years …
My metabolism is shot. I’ve gained weight. My gut is all messed up.
As you can see, I had to not only write out all the reasons, which were only 3. I had to go back to the “pros” and really think about why that was even a pro. Release stress, that’s such a lie. It doesn’t release stress, it actually creates it. Fun? Sure, there are definitely some laughs, but what’s fun about all those cons? It’s funny how our brain will tell us one thing, but in reality it’s actually completely opposite.
The bottom line is, drinking doesn’t serve me anymore, but I still associate it with having fun. It’s turned into a habit more than a want. On a boat; grab a Truly. At a beach; ooh miami vice please. Wedding .. Champs! Brunch … sure I’ll have a mimosa. Football game – Beer for sure. Even if I didn’t feel like drinking, I’d still find myself grabbing for a drink out of pure habit.
We associate alcohol with fun because that’s what society has taught us. When you really sit down and think about it, it doesn’t make any sense. What else didn’t make sense to me; I have spent the last year working on my leaky gut, going through multiple detoxes yet I was still drinking on the weekends. Seriously, what in the hell am I doing? I’m never going to be able to heal my body completely when I’m drinking on the weekends.
I’ve spent my entire life partying it up. In high school, college, after college, early mom life. I guess you can say, I’m just over the booze and everything it brings to the table.